Last night things got a little rough around the Polka Dot Household… I had my first real meltdown since Mom passed. My younger girls were in bed, but the 8 yo’s (Kyler and Kaylee) were still up wandering around. I ended up curled in a fetal position on my husbands lap on the floor in our bedroom. The kids walked by the door and were waved away by Daddy.
Once I pulled myself together enough… I hustled Kaylee into bed. She was in tears that just wouldn’t stop. Tears of sadness for her Grandma, tears of empathy for her Mommy’s pain, tears of fear that if my Mom could die so could hers. I just held her tight… I wanted to tell her it’d be okay… that I’ll always be here, but that’s a promise we can’t make. I can do my best to stay healthy and be careful with my life, I can say lots of prayers and cry out to the Lord that he lets me stay here to see my children grown, but none of this is a guarantee. Looking back a few years (before ALS), we had NO idea that Mom would pass away at the age of 51, leaving behind a teenager that still needs raising and four other grown children that still need their Moms love and caring.
We watched Mom suffer for the last 3.5 years and we learned a great respect for life and we learned that there is no promise of tomorrow for any of us.
Nothing I’ve ever known or been taught has shown me how to get through losing my Mother much too young or how to help my very young children grieve at the loss of their Grandma, I also have an anguished teen girl to help get through the remainder of her growing years. Right now, I’m at a loss as to how to do this… but I’m praying that God will get us through this.
I’m still trying to plan my Moms services. We want a celebration of life and an intimate graveside service where we will lay her remains to rest with her precious granddaughter who left us 5 years ago. I should already have dates pinned down, but the minister is on vacation and out of state which makes planning a bit difficult.