A Tale of Two Blankets…

You know its gotta be exciting with a title like that.

When I married husband, I had to make some exceptions in the bedroom.  Get your mind out of the gutter, not that kind of exceptions.

He cannot stand a top sheet.  I think what the heck?  Are we European now?  Seriously, I was taught to make my bed correctly which includes a mattress pad, fitted bottom sheet, flat top sheet (top side facing down so that when you fold the top 12 inches over you see the pretty side), blanket (in the winter) followed by comforter or spread.  Of course, I also believe bed skirts are mandatory.  I also make this bed EVERY.SINGLE.DAY (granted sometimes it gets made right before crawling back in at night, because I can’t stand to sleep in an unmade bed).

Husband made his bed by having a bottom sheet on, followed by a fuzzy blanket.  That’s it.  He has this unnatural attachment to that fuzzy blanket… he wants it right against his skin and claims that if a top sheet is there he gets cold.  Whatever.

My comforter is this silky purple/burgundy thing inspired by Asian culture.  My husband loves all things Asian (good thing he married a pasty white girl with reddish/blond hair, blue eyes and an excessive amount of cleavage).  Our bedroom is nearly over run with relics he brings back from trips around the globe, so my bedding choice fits in well.  There is a problem… that silk doesn’t like the fuzzy blanket so much and has a nasty habit of sliding off the bed.  To combat this I’ve started holding onto it in my sleep.  Otherwise I wake up with no blanket what so ever.  My husband, the top sheet hating man that he is, steals the entirety of that fuzzy blanket leaving me shivering in the cold.

What I find funny is that when I make the bed correctly (that means I put a top sheet on), all the blankets seem to stay put.

I think the whole blanket slide issue is mostly due to husbands propensity to stick is leg out on top of the blanket (and me), so that as he moves around, the fuzzy becomes more squished up between us (and snuggled around him) while the silky gets pushed (by him) off my side or the bottom.

Husband also has another slightly annoying, but also kind of endearing sleep habit.  I am merely there for his comfort… that’s become apparent.  As soon as I climb into bed, he puts and arm and leg around me and clamps me down.  I’m always, “dude, could I get situated before you vise grip me?”.  This scenerio repeats as we go through our pre-sleep stages (we have a routine).  First he is on his back, with me kind of snuggling on his chest, this lasts about 5 minutes, then we roll with me facing away in the typical spoon position.  This is usually when the first vice grip occurs… I can’t even complete the roll from facing him to away without getting pinned down.  Then sometime later, he rolls over with his back to mine.   Husband wakes up several times during the night, gets up for a drink, lets the dog out, whatever… so when he climbs back to bed he immediatly goes to vice grip position.  Often this results in my being woken up for nocturnal activity.

And people wonder why I’m always so tired.  It’s really not because I’m raising five kids, a St. Bernard and two cats… nope it’s because of the husband.


About PolkaDotMommy

Wife to a teacher extraordinaire... Mama to Five littles... Conservative Catholic Christian with a Strong Environmentalist Mentality... Respecting Life... Living for our Savior... Learning to trust God in all things.
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3 Responses to A Tale of Two Blankets…

  1. We go through a similar routine, but my wife has the leg lock that cuts of circulation to my lower half. The insertion of the body pillow thwarts all noctural interruptons…trust me.

    Since I bought her the body pillow…

  2. The best thing I did was make my guest room up for my husband and moved him over. He loves it too. We lay down, talk about the day, the retreat to our own beds.

    Visiting is fun too! We sleep better and are happier. I think we’re closer too since we have our own space and are not sleep deprived from snoring, turning over etc.

  3. Meg says:

    That is HILARIOUS! Our husbands must be brothers- yes, can I please get situated before you put all of your dead weight on me?? Or, the worst- face to face- I absolutely cannot “share air”.

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